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What is Feedback?
In human interaction, feedback is a process by which the effect of a person’s specific behavior is brought to that person’s attention. Feedback is given only for the purpose of helping the other person to see the result of her or his actions so he or she may choose whether or not to change to get a different resulst. If feedback is given for any other reason, it is not feedback—it is criticism, judgment or mandate.
Feedback is not…
evaluation, judgment, criticism or venting.
Feedback must only be given…
when you intend to be helpful to the other person.
Feedback must never be given…
for the purpose of making you feel better or to relieve your frustration,
when you are angry or upset, or if your intention is to be hurtful in some way.
Good Example of Feedback:
You notice that when one of your colleagues, Lee, speaks to you in a loud voice,
talks quickly, and does not respond to your questions or comments;
you feel intimidated and stop sharing ideas.
You think you can be helpful to Lee by describing what happens. You say:
“Lee, I have some information that I think may be helpful to you.
Can we set aside a few minutes so that I may give you feedback
about something that happens when you speak?”
After Lee has agreed, during the meeting you say words to this effect:
“I don’t know if you are aware of it, but when you raise your voice,
talk quickly, and don’t respond to questions, I feel intimidated and stop sharing ideas.
I am telling you this because I think you are interested
in what I have to contribute to the business and want to hear what I have to say.”
Stop here and wait for Lee’s response.
Do not suggest other ways to interact
unless Lee asks and agrees to hear your suggestions.
Only then, give advice or provide coaching.
Bad Example #1:
You approach Lee and say:
“What’s wrong with you? Why do you treat me so disrespectfully?
Stop cutting me off when I'm trying to tell you what’s on my mind!”
Bad Example #2:
You approach Lee and say:
“I want to give you some feedback. When you shout like that and don’t listen,
I don’t want to work with you because you are so offensive.”
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Below are steps for giving and receiving feedback.
Feedback Preparation Quiz
1. What is my intention and motivation in doing this?
2. Am I willing to accept full responsibility for bringing this to the other person's attention?
3. Am I willing to identify and talk about my attitudes or feelings instead of criticizing the other person?
4. Am I willing to accept that the other person may become emotional and need me to listen?
5. Am I willing to understand the situation from the other person’s point of view?
6. Is this issue one that the other person can do something about?
(A person can stop interrupting you, but may not be able to stop stuttering.)
7. Do I really care about improving my professional relationship with this person?
If you answered"yes"to all of the above questions,proceedto give feedback.
If you answered"no"to any of the above questions,do not attemptto offer feedback.
Steps to Giving Feedback
2. Ask permission to provide feedback as soon as possible after the event.
3. Talk directly and privately to the other person without other people present.
4. Describe only what you actually saw or heard.
5. Describe what resulted from the other person’s actions.
6. Ask the other person to repeat what you have said in her or his own words.
7. Keep discussing the issue until you have understood each other.
8. Be prepared to switch roles and receive feedback from the other person.
9. Be prepared to listen empathetically if the other person becomes upset.
10. Keep the conversation focused on the original issue of concern to you.
11. Acknowledge this person's other positive, related contributions, as appropriate.
Steps to Receiving Feedback
1. Listen attentively and ignore distracting thoughts.
2. Listen without interrupting the person giving you feedback.
3. Listen without evaluating the other person or her/his message.
4. Monitor your reaction to what has been said to you before responding.
If you are upset or hurt, ask for
time to think about the message
and schedule another time to
meet and continue the discussion
—preferably within 48 hours.
If you are genuinely confused,
tell the other person so making
no comments other than to ask
the person to explain her/his
concern again in a different way.
5. Repeat exactly what was said to you and ask if you have understood the concern correctly.
6. Continue repeating what the other person says until he or she acknowledges that you have understood.
7. Thank the other person for bringing this concern to your attention, without agreeing or disagreeing.
8. If the concern is something you can easily change, and you are willing to do so, ask the other person to help by reminding you if you do it again.
9. If you believe the other person's issue is unreasonable; inaccurate; or intended to hurt you, ask that he or she explain this concern again in another meeting with an unbiased, trained facilitator present.
If he or she agrees, locate
facilitator you are both willing
to work with and schedule
the meeting.
If he or she refuses, then ask
if you may give her/him feedback;
follow the guidelines above for
giving feedback. If this person
refuses to accept feedback
from you, avoid further interaction
with her or him as much as possible.
10. If the unreasonable person is your boss,
then read the:
Bad Boss Tips: Knowledge and
Bad Boss Tips: Action on this Web site.
