BigBadBoss.com
Free Advice, Tips & Resource References
LISTENING SKILLS at Big Bad Boss .com
Communication happens only when we listen for and grasp the speaker's meaning.
We grasp the speaker's meaning only when we understand the issue from the speaker's point of view.
The following acronym may guide you in knowing how NOT to respond:
Do not JAIL
the speaker.
Judge – Do not agree or disagree with the speaker.
Advise – Do not tell the speaker what to do or what not to do.
Interpret – Do not tell the speaker why he or she sees the situation in the way it's being described.
Lead – Do not ask questions that satisfy only your own interests.
Advise – Do not tell the speaker what to do or what not to do.
Interpret – Do not tell the speaker why he or she sees the situation in the way it's being described.
Lead – Do not ask questions that satisfy only your own interests.
Take This Test
Determine whether the following statments are are Judging, Advising, Interpreting or Leading.
1. Your idea seems to be based on your fears about what might go wrong.
2. If I were you, I wouldn't negotiate.
3. Whatever you decide, make sure that you take an aggressive stance.
4. What do you think your approach will accomplish?
5. You came up with that suggestion because you're so young.
6. I remember something similar having happened to a friend of mine.
7. Do you know of any situations in which your approach succeeded?
8. I thought you were right until you agreed to a partnership.
9. Who else can you talk to before you make a decision?
10. You seem to lack confidence in your ability to lead this project.
11. What do you think would happen if you tried a completely different approach?
12. The same thing happened to me; here's how I handled it...
Answers: 1I; 2A; 3A; 4L; 5I; 6L; 7L; 8J; 9L; 10J; 11L; 12A
2. If I were you, I wouldn't negotiate.
3. Whatever you decide, make sure that you take an aggressive stance.
4. What do you think your approach will accomplish?
5. You came up with that suggestion because you're so young.
6. I remember something similar having happened to a friend of mine.
7. Do you know of any situations in which your approach succeeded?
8. I thought you were right until you agreed to a partnership.
9. Who else can you talk to before you make a decision?
10. You seem to lack confidence in your ability to lead this project.
11. What do you think would happen if you tried a completely different approach?
12. The same thing happened to me; here's how I handled it...
Answers: 1I; 2A; 3A; 4L; 5I; 6L; 7L; 8J; 9L; 10J; 11L; 12A
Respond differently to UNEMOTIONAL and EMOTIONAL speakers:
Recognizing and Responding to an UNEMOTIONAL Speaker
When the speaker isunemotional, the content of the message usually means exactly what the words convey. Females and males speak in an evenly-paced rhythm and evenly-toned volume when they are unemotional.
Obtain additional information by responding to the message in this way:
If a problem is stated, ask the speaker to provide more detail.
If a question is asked, ask the speaker to recommend solutions before giving an answer.
If advice is requested, ask the speaker to provide her or his insights; wait until the speaker insists on getting your advice before giving it.
Obtain additional information by responding to the message in this way:
If a problem is stated, ask the speaker to provide more detail. If a question is asked, ask the speaker to recommend solutions before giving an answer. If advice is requested, ask the speaker to provide her or his insights; wait until the speaker insists on getting your advice before giving it.
Recognizing and Responding to an EMOTIONAL Speaker
When the speaker is emotional, the content of the message usually means something other than what the words convey. Females typically speak in a combination of fast and slow bursts and in a higher pitch when they are emotional. Males typically speak in fast and slow bursts and louder when they are emotional.
When the speaker is emotional, do not interrupt. Instead, while you are listening:
When the speaker is emotional, do not interrupt. Instead, while you are listening:
Do not interpret anything the speaker says as a personal affront until you have more information. 
Identify to yourself what you think the speaker's attitude or feeling is. 
Identify to yourself your own attitude or feeling. (If you become emotionally aroused, explain that you are not able to listen at this moment and schedule a mutually agreed upon time to continue the conversation.) 
When the speaker pauses and indicates he or she has nothing more to say, repeat what the speaker said in your own words and ask if you have understood correctly. Then wait for a response from the speaker. 
Repeat this process until the speaker acknowledges that you have correctly understood, then ask they speaker what kind of response he or she would like from you. 
Continue until the speaker begins talking unemotionally, then follow the guideline for responding to an unemotional speaker. 
If the speaker remains emotional, ask to include in the conversation a mutually-agreed-upon third party who can translate the message so you can understand it in the way the speaker intends it.